Shailene Woodley Launches Bizarre Tirade on Instagram: Aaron Rodgers Has a Huge Penis, And Hes NOT Spreading Covid!

There are some celebrities who give the impression of being relatable and down to earth — the sort of people you would get along with easily if the two of you ever crossed paths.

But the latest insanity from Aaron Rodgers and his fiancee Shailene Woodley reminds us that those impressions are almost always inaccurate, and 99.99999 percent of rich and famous people are narcisstic divas who would prefer to never interact with another peasant as long as they live.

As you’ve likely heard by now, Rodgers tested positive for Covid last week, which came as quite a surprise, as the Green Bay packers quarterback had previously claimed to be vaccinated.

Rodgers likes to split hairs here and point out that he claimed to be “immunized,” which is dumb for two reasons:

1. “Vaccinated” and “immunized” mean the same thing in this context, and any distinction between the two words is effectively meaningless.

2. A reporter asked Rodgers if he was vaccinated and the first word out of dude’s mouth was “yeah,” so yeah … he lied.

Anyway, the situation is especially annoying as Karen Rodgers — as he shall now be known in perpetuity — put a whole bunch of plebes at risk by refusing to follow the NFL’s protocols for the unvaccinated.

Componding the obnoxiousness of the situation is the fact that rather than just taking the L and admitting that he effed up, Rodgers is now waging a one-man war against the media and what he’s dubbed “the woke mob.”

And despite the fact that actors are the only people whose medical advice might be more unreliable than that of football players, Shailene has now joined Aaron in his effort to enlighten the populace with information that was probably gleaned from a Facebook meme.

Earlier this week, a media outlet posted a photo of a man walking on a Los Angeles sidewalk and mistakenly claimed that it was Rodgers.

This was bad journalism at best and libel at worst, and Aaron should have handled the situation like the seasoned public figure that he is by calling the outlet out and then siccing his lawyers on them.

Instead, Shailene took the wheel and for some inexplicable reason, her response to the situation was to shame this random passerby for having a small dong. Seriously.

“Literally ya’ll need to calm the f–k down. This is straight up HILARIOUS,” she wrote in a lengthy Instagram Story.

“News outlets STILL grasping at straws to disparage Aaron. Finding random f–king men on the streets of LA and saying its him,” a furious Woodley continued.

“I know Aaron’s body VERY well. First off his feet, ahem and no offense to this rando dude, are a LOT bigger ;)”.

Yes, Shailene threw in the winking emoticon (what is she, a boomer now?), just in case you somehow missed the implication that this guy is rocking a tiny wang. Classy!

“For those of us who know Aaron beyond the worlds of obsessed sport and s–tty media, it’s no secret he has the hairiest hands on the f–king planet,” she continued.

“This oblivious homie, clearly, does not. Go ahead, zoom in.”

In case Shailene’s contempt for commoners wasn’t already abundantly clear, she went on to roast this random stranger for being a poor:

“Also, cute car dude, but Aaron would never drive this,” Woodley wrote.

Now, obviously, there’s no more divisive issue these days than the vaccine.

But while that may have been the focus of Shailene’s tirade, her barely-coherent rant should actually serve as a reminder of a condition that unites the vast majority of us:

Let’ call it regular person-ness.

The fact is, no matter how cool they seem, or how much it might look as though they’re on your same page politically, celebrities don’t believe that you belong to the same species as they do.

In fact, you’re so insignificant in their worldview, that they think nothing of dragging you into their pointless war with the media and telling the world what they think of your genitals.

And these are the celebs who attempt to give off “cool” and “relatable” vibes.

Say what you will about Kanye West and his ilk — at least they know they’re insane and they embrace the madness!

Shailene and Aaron really think they’re salt of the earth peeps who just happen to be rich and famous!

Someone certainly needs to calm the f–k down in this situation, but clearly, it’s the wealthy nerds who ditched their hippie cosplay at the slightest sign of inconvenience and proceeded to reveal what elitist, egotistical jackasses they really are.

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