“Imagine someone taking 10 percent of your income AND 50 percent of your office,” Nori’s Black Book writes.
The woman behind Nori’s Black Book — a viral parody Instagram account written entirely in the voice of Kim Kardashian’s sassy 5-year-old daughter — is bringing her talents to TooFab.
Each week, "Nori" will be recapping new episodes of "Keeping Up with the Kardashians" and giving us HER take on all the family drama.
(NOTE: The below was not actually written by North West.)
I did not appear in Sunday’s episode of "Keeping Up with the Kardashians," so I’m sure the ratings were in the toilet.
The episode started with Mommy talking to Auntie Khloe about her psoriasis. It was all over her body, in her ears and even on her face. She had to wear a dress later that evening but didn’t want her psoriasis to show. That’s when she reached for her new KKW Beauty body makeup to cover it up. She’s really desperate to sell this stuff. Can you tell?
Next, Auntie Kylie and Kris visited the Kylie Cosmetics headquarters, which had been under construction for about a year. During that time, Kris and Auntie Kylie shared an office. Imagine someone taking 10 percent of your income AND 50 percent of your office. We really need to get a new family lawyer to review these contracts.
Back at Auntie Khloe’s house, Auntie Kendall vented to Auntie Khloe about her ski trip with Auntie Kourt and her friends. Auntie Kendall said she felt Auntie Kourt was picking on her the entire trip and being rude to her. She felt Auntie Kourt was trying to act cool in front of her friends at her expense. Auntie Khloe thought Auntie Kourt’s behavior was really lame. Mommy once accused me of putting her down in front of other people to make myself look better than her. She was absolutely right, and I’d do it again.
Later Mommy, Auntie Kourt and DadYe met with a medical medium. (He can talk to spirits, but he’s not a real doctor.) Mommy found him on Instagram, so of course he’s legit. Mommy wanted the medium to tell her how to get rid of her psoriasis. After he read her, the medium told her she needed to start drinking celery juice. Mommy was skeptical but said she was going to try it.
Back at the Kylie Cosmetics headquarters, Auntie Kylie walked into her shared office with Kris, only to find her in a massage chair that I’m sure was an unauthorized purchase on the Kylie Cosmetics company credit card. Once Kris was done relaxing, Auntie Kylie tried to record social media content for her product launch, but Kris was making a lot of noise and being extra loud on the phone. Auntie Kylie had to kick her out so she could record in peace. Kris finally has a daughter who wants to actually work and not just live off the Kardashian name, and this is how she acts. It was embarrassing to watch.
Later, Auntie Kendall hosted a dinner at her house for her friends, but Auntie Kourt unexpectedly showed up with them. Auntie Kourt is all about free food. Since I closed DASH, she’ll take a meal any way she can get one. Auntie Kendall thought Auntie Kourt would apologize for the trip, but she didn’t. In fact, she was still making digs at her. Auntie Kendall was annoyed and wanted her to go home.
Later in the car, Auntie Khloe told Auntie Kourt that Auntie Kendall was upset that she was bullying her on their ski trip. Auntie Kourt said that Auntie Kendall was being annoying about groceries and her car keys and that that was why she was picking on her. The story that Auntie Kourt gave Auntie Khloe about the trip was very different from the story Auntie Kendall gave her. I can’t say I’m shocked.
Back at the Kylie Cosmetic headquarters, Auntie Kylie discovered that Kris had taken her parking spot. This was the final straw for Auntie Kylie, and she wasn’t going to let it go.
At Auntie Khloe’s house, Auntie Khloe told Auntie Kendall that Auntie Kourt had a totally different account of what happened on the ski trip. She said that Kourt said she wasn’t bullying Kendall and that Kendall was the one acting crazy. Auntie Kendall said that Auntie Kourt goes out of her way to make her look crazy because she’s insecure.
In the car, Auntie Kendall called Kourt to confront her about what she told Auntie Khloe. Auntie Kourt was adamant that her version of the ski trip actually happened. The conversation went nowhere and Auntie Kourt said she couldn’t talk to a lunatic anymore.
Later at Khloe’s house, Auntie Kourt and Auntie Khloe brainstormed names for Auntie Kourt’s Tumblr page, which is now known as POOSH. That’s when one of Kendall’s friends called Auntie Kourt and told her that Auntie Kendall was mad that they were talking behind her back. Auntie Khloe thought it was ridiculous things had gotten to this level and said it was all so stupid. Honestly, does anyone really care? We need new writers on this show!
Meanwhile, Mommy was still dealing with her psoriasis. She told Auntie Kourt and Auntie Khloe that the celery juice the medium had recommended was not working. Mommy tried other methods, like a really nasty tea and yoga, but nothing was working. She said she might have to give up her public life if she can’t clear it up. I’m sure she will change her mind once I show her the house we’ll have to move into on a lawyer’s salary.
Auntie Khloe decided to bring Auntie Kendall and Auntie Kourt together to reconcile. Auntie Kendall told Auntie Kourt she felt Kourt was trying to tear her down to make herself look funnier and cooler. Kourt said that maybe she just is funnier and cooler. She also said that Auntie Kendall was too sensitive. Auntie Kourt then turned it around on Auntie Khloe and accused her of going back and forth between them. The conversation turned into a huge argument between the three, and nothing was resolved. Again, I can’t say I’m shocked.
Auntie Kylie vented to Auntie Khloe about Kris while Kris vented to Auntie Kourt about Auntie Kylie. They both felt like the other was out of control and trying to take over Kylie Cosmetic headquarters. Later at the office, Auntie Kylie moved Kris out of their shared office and into the common area because she was fed up. Kris got upset and decided to work from home. I’m just wondering when the Arthur George headquarters will be built?
Later, Mommy attended a photo shoot for her collab with supermodel Winnie Harlow. Mommy admires her because, even with her skin condition, she is so confident. She realized that’s how she wants to be with her psoriasis; however, KKW body makeup is still being sold.
At Auntie Kourt’s house, Auntie Kendall and Auntie Kourt staged a physical fight to freak Khloe out as punishment for meddling in their relationship. It turned out that once Auntie Kendall and Auntie Kourt talked on their own, they were able to hash everything out. Auntie Khloe said she was just trying to help, but next time she’ll just let them figure out their own stuff. I want this storyline to never be filmed again. To put our viewers through this was irresponsible and cruel.
In the final scene of the episode, Auntie Kylie popped up at Kris’ condo to bring her donuts as a peace offering. She apologized to Kris for moving her out of their office. Auntie Kylie said she missed her and that she really did need her around. They both agreed that they were more powerful together and needed to work on giving each other space. Kris said she wanted to come back to the office, and Auntie Kylie said they just wouldn’t share a space. The advice I gave Auntie Kylie when she first opened the office was to put Kris in a cubicle and be done with it, but she didn’t want to listen.
Meet me back here next week when I recap Episode 10 of my show.
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